so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
