I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
