she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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