What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
