I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
