Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
