I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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