I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
