and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
