just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
