I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize