Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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