I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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