I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
