Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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