I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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