No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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