I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize