I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
