Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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