She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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