I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
