Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
