Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
