Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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