Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
