Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
