do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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