just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
