just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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