This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
