sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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