can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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