he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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