i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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