So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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