my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
