Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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