he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
