Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
