I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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