I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
