You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
