My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
