I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How's work?
Spinning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
