I wish I only lived at night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
