lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
