how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
