Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
