i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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