the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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