so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
