Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
