i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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