I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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