Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
