Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
