the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
