You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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