Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
