So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
