I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
