just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
