shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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