With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
