I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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