Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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