I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
