Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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