So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
