i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
