I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
