what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I believe in your delicious
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
