My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
