whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
